Anorgasmia: The Failed Finish

Written by: Dr. Joshua Gonzalez

A Guide to Anorgasmia

Anorgasmia: What is it? Well, we can tell you that she isn't the second eliminated queen from the last season of RuPaul’s Drag Race. Although Anorgasmia could sound like a glamazon, ready for the runway, or at the very least some outrageous onomatopoeia, it is actually quite serious. Well serious, if you are serious about your sex life.

Anorgasmia is the inability to achieve orgasm, despite sexual arousal and stimulation. This condition can affect both men and women and can greatly affect your sexual experience and overall well-being. But what are the signs? How does it happen? Will you be like Samantha Jones of Sex and the City and one day lose your orgasm? Spend two hours f*cking with no finale as Sam would say? Fret not, Popstar has the tips (and so much more than just the tip) on all things anorgasmia.

Pleasure aside, anorgasmia poses a major problem for couples looking to get pregnant. How can you expect to have any money in your purse, if you aren’t making deposits? For those looking to start a family or continue to grow their family, it is important to know the types of anorgasmia and how to beat it. The sooner we beat it, the sooner you can beat it off and get a bun in the oven!

The important thing to note about anorgasmia is that there are two kinds: primary and secondary. Primary anorgasmia describes those who have never experienced an orgasm at all. Secondary anorgasmia occurs when someone who was previously able to experience orgasms is suddenly no longer able to climax. When one hears the word anorgasmia, it does sound a little ghostly or supernatural. Which, in a way, makes sense with secondary anorgasmia. One day you have orgasms, the next day, poof, they’re gone! Needless to say, both of these are devastating.

But what causes your orgasms to vanish into thin air (if you’ve even had them at all)? Well, there are many factors that can contribute to anorgasmia. Psychological factors include anxiety, stress, and even depression. Stress and anxiety can be a distraction and divert attention from sexual pleasure. It is never good to be in your head while you are getting head. If something else is on your mind while you are getting brain, it will be hard to be in the moment and climax. Depression can also induce anorgasmia as it affects the brain’s pleasure center, making it difficult to achieve an orgasm. Relationship issues can also be a contributing factor. If you and your partner are lacking in the emotional intimacy department, you may just find yourself lacking in the orgasm department as well.

Is there a doctor in the house?

There are a number of medical conditions that contribute to anorgasmia as well. Conditions like multiple sclerosis and diabetes can affect nerve endings and signals that are responsible for pleasure and achieving orgasm. Low testosterone levels can also affect sexual function and one’s ability to get off. Certain medications like antidepressants and some blood pressure medications can also cause anorgasmia. The irony of depression and antidepressants both potentially affecting sexual pleasure, you can’t write this stuff. But fret not, there are a plethora of things we can do to combat anorgasmia.

Referring back to our resident orgasm expert, Samantha Jones, it wasn’t until she had a cathartic emotional release that she was able to regain her ability to climax. So if you are struggling to orgasm, maybe you need to give up the ghost in order to get off. There may be an emotional block holding you back. Psychotherapy such as cognitive behavioral therapy can help to address underlying issues that may be contributing to anorgasmia. If you think anorgasmia is due to something in your relationship, couple’s counseling can help to strengthen the communication between you and your partner. The more in sync you are, the better the sex will be, hopefully alleviating anorgasmia.

If you are taking medications that you think may be interfering with your ability to climax, there may be another alternative. Consult with your primary healthcare provider to see if there is another medication that gets the job done, but also allows you to get the job done in bed!

Speaking of therapy, if you think your inability to orgasm is due to a hormonal imbalance, hormone replacement therapy could be the answer! Again, this is definitely something you will want to talk to your healthcare provider about.

Let's stay on the topic of therapy for one more second more, shall we? Pelvic floor therapy can help to strengthen muscles to combat any potential nerve dysfunction that could be contributing to your anorgasmia. Simple exercises like Kegels can do wonders. If you would like to learn more about Kegels, check out our blog post here.

Masturbation and self-exploration can help with anorgasmia. Knowing what makes your dick tick when it comes to pleasure can go a long way in combating anorgasmia.

Anorgasmia, while it may just sound like a silly word, can be debilitating and frustrating. Being informed is the first step to getting your groove back. As always, consulting a healthcare professional, such as a doctor or therapist, is always encouraged. If you or your partner are having a hard time finding your orgasm, talk to each other, talk to a healthcare provider and let’s get back to the climax! 

Dr. Joshua Gonzalez

Dr. Joshua Gonzalez

Dr. Joshua Gonzalez is a board-certified urologist who is fellowship-trained in Sexual Medicine and specializes in the management of male and female sexual dysfunctions. He completed his medical education at Columbia University and his urological residency at the Mount Sinai Medical Center. Throughout his career, Dr. Gonzalez has focused on advocating for sexual health and providing improved healthcare to the LGBTQ+ community.