We’ve all been there. The morning after a “good time,” staring at the ceiling wondering, “What if…?” while an Uber whisks away our good-time guy or gal. Did I contract a sexually transmitted infection (STI)? Don’t sweat it. Getting tested for STIs is just another part of being a responsible adult. Popstar has everything you need to know about STIs: the symptoms, tests, and treatments so you can start your year (and Cuffing Season) in the clear. 

Why should you get tested? Well, if you’re having the best sex of your life this year, there is a chance you could pick up something more than just a fun story. Also, certain STIs don’t always have symptoms, so you could be gambling with your health and the health of others without even knowing. Speaking of which, routine testing also severely lowers the chances of you having to send that awkward text telling someone you have given them a “souvenir” to commemorate your time together. Don’t be that guy. Get tested. Your future self (and partners) will thank you. 

Here are some common STIs you may encounter on your sexcapades.

Chlamydia is a common party crasher whose symptoms manifest in painful urination, discharge, and even testicular pain or, sometimes, none at all. Testing is simple and usually involves peeing in a cup or a swab of the penis. I would opt for the urine.

Gonorrhea: better known as the clap. Not sure who named it this; there is nothing clap-worthy about it. Almost like clapping when the plane lands; it’s just awkward. Gonnorhea is another common party crasher. The Owen Wilson to chlamydia’s Vince Vaughn for my Wedding Crasher fans. Gonnorhea has very similar symptoms to chlamydia. Like its counterpart, people who contract gonorrhea may not show symptoms for weeks after exposure, if at all, so it is important to get tested regularly. Testing is also very similar: urination or the dreaded swab.

The treatment for both chlamydia and gonorrhea is antibiotics. Easy peasy. Now, that is something to “clap” about. However, it is important to note that different antibiotics are used to treat chlamydia and gonorrhea, so it is important that your doctor tests for both. However, providers often empirically treat patients for both if the patients have the above symptoms.

Another common STI, syphilis, is a bacterial infection whose symptoms manifest in rashes, sores (often painless), fever, swollen lymph nodes, and other flu-like symptoms. A syphilis test requires a very small blood sample, so you won’t leave lightheaded like you just went to a blood drive

More antibiotics! It’s like hitting the reset button on your immune system. Remember that while antibiotics kill bad bacteria, they also kill good bacteria. If only they could differentiate! If taking antibiotics, you may want to chat with your provider about ways to restore your good bacterial gut flora.

HIV (Human Immunodeficiency Virus) is a sneaky virus that messes with your immune system. Think of your immune system as your body’s personal bouncer, kicking out troublesome germs that aim to kill the vibe of the club. HIV takes that bouncer out for drinks, distracts it, and lets troublemakers in. If left untreated, it can lead to AIDS (Acquired Immunodeficiency Syndrome), which is serious business. If you are someone who is very sexually active and may be at high risk for HIV, you’ll want to get ahead of the curve. HIV prevention with pre-exposure prophylaxis medications, commonly known as PrEP, is your best bet. To learn more about PrEP and how it works, click here.

The great news is that modern treatments can keep HIV in check, letting you live a long and healthy life. Medication can be taken to help people become what is called HIV Undetectable. Being undetectable means the amount of virus in your blood is so low that even sensitive tests can’t find it. It also means that you can’t pass the virus to others via sex. Pretty amazing, right? Just keep taking your meds, and you’re golden.

Herpes is the uninvited houseguest who decides to move in permanently. It’s caused by two types of viruses: HSV-1 (commonly causing cold sores) and HSV-2 (the main culprit behind genital herpes). Once it’s in your system, it tends to stick around, popping up now and then for a surprise visit. Symptoms include painful blisters or sores, itching, and even flu-like symptoms. If you have suspiciously looking bumps around your mouth or groin, your doctor may want to swab them to make the proper diagnosis.

There is no need to freak out when you break out; there is a way to deal with your STI squatter. Antiviral meds can help to keep outbreaks in check. Medication and open communication during breakouts reduce the chance of passing it on. Most people with herpes live normal, happy lives, sex life or otherwise.

HPV is the overachiever of the virus world; with more than 100 strains to its name, it’s really putting in the work. Some strains cause genital warts, while others are even linked to certain cancers. While there is no approved test for men, HPV is visually diagnosed when/if genital warts are present. Anal Pap smears are often performed on people who have receptive anal sex.

The greatest news is that some strains of HPV clear up on their own! No antibiotics, no medication, just your immune system doing it’s thang! In some cases, HPV lesions are treated as they pop up with cryoablation or, if extensive, surgery. If the lesions are excised, they can be sent to the lab to confirm that HPV is the cause. You can also have a conversation with your provider to see if you may be a candidate for the HPV vaccine.

Trichomoniasis, or “trich” for short, is a small parasite that sets up shop in your urogenital tract. It is usually asymptomatic in men but, in some cases, can cause itching, burning during urination, and discharge. Much like the other party crashers on the list, a urine sample or the wince-worthy penile swab is the test for the trich.

The trick to getting rid of the trich? Antibiotics, of course! Another STI squatter kicked to the curb by the magnificence of modern medicine! 

Moral of the story? Get tested, get treated (if necessary), and remember you can always rely on the “no glove, no love” method. Condoms are your best wingman. Testing for STIs is about being a responsible guy who cares about his health and his partners. So book the appointment and get tested regularly so you can have the best sex of your life this year, in the clear!