Key Takeaways
Cuckolding is all about consent. It’s a shared fantasy between partners, built on trust and clear boundaries.
You don’t need a third party to start. Dirty talk or storytelling can be an easy intro.
Humiliation is optional. Some love it, others skip it. The dynamic is up to you.
Always use a safe word and protection. Emotional and physical safety come first.
It can bring couples closer. With good communication, cuckolding can build intimacy and excitement.
“There’s nothing to watch!”
Something we often mutter to ourselves and/or our partners while doom-scrolling through Netflix.
How could that even be possible? With cable and over 200 streaming platforms available, the content we could be consuming is seemingly never-ending. AMC+, Paramount+, every media conglomerate has its answer for Netflix and Hulu. On average, the American household has 2.9 streaming service subscriptions, sometimes in addition to cable. Not sure where they get the .9 from. Perhaps the Max login you share with your first cousin doesn’t count as a whole subscription.
With the ever-burgeoning abundance of streaming platforms, one would think we would never be at a loss for binge-worthy TV. But alas, here we are. Perhaps the answer lies off-screen and in the sheets. What about watching something you can’t find on any streaming service? Like your partner having sex with another person? I know what you’re thinking. Wait. That’s a thing?
Yes. Yes, it is. Enter cuckolding. Popstar is back with the tips (and so much more than just the tip) on how you and your partner can go from channel changing to cuckolding. Think of this as Cuckold+.
What is Cuckolding?
In modern contexts, cuckolding often involves consensual agreements between partners where one partner, usually the husband or boyfriend, derives pleasure from watching or knowing that his partner is engaging in sexual activities with a third, unaffiliated person. The observer is known as the “cuckold” or “cuck.” Essentially, the cuckold is sexually satiated by just spectating. Cuckolding can take on several forms and has many elements, such as humiliation, but more on that later.
Origin
While modern-day cuckolding is known to be consensual, its origins are the diametrical opposite. Cuckolding is a term that originates from the English word “cuckoo,” which was historically used to describe a scenario where a man’s wife or partner engages in sexual activities with another man, often without his consent or knowledge. The cuckoo bird, known for deceptively laying its eggs in other birds' nests, symbolized this perceived betrayal.
It was assumed that the “cuck” (the husband whose partner is exploring other nests) is unable to satisfy them sexually, hence the need to sexually search outside the marriage.
Modern-day cuckolding involves a man and their partner making a joint decision to invite other birds into their nest, sans eggs. Unless cracking an egg on your face is part of the humiliation? Seems extreme, but who are we to kink shame?
Cuckolding Kink & Humiliation
Speaking of humiliation. When people think of cuckolding, they immediately assume there is some element of humiliation involved. In most cases, the third party brought in to have sex with the cuckold’s partner has something the cuckold lacks ie: a larger penis, bigger muscles, etc. This third party is known colloquially as “the bull." A bull is a common term used in the cuckolding community and is a dominant man engaging with the cuckold’s partner.
In certain, kinkier scenarios, the cuckold’s partner and the bull will consensually degrade the cuck. This can range from size shaming or simply stating that the bull is a much better lay than the cuckold could ever dream of being. In this masochistic fantasy, the cuckold finds pleasure in the humiliation.
Other Types of Cuckolding
You’ve most likely heard of double penetration, well this is double humiliation. There is a type of cuckolding where both parties in the monogamous relationship find pleasure in being humiliated in the process. There are role-play scenarios in which the bull degrades the woman in which the cuckold finds pleasure. The cuckold views it as punishment for seeking outside the marriage. Of course, again, this is all a fantasy.
Not a masochist? Not a problem! There is a gentle, more “vanilla” form of cuckolding where the cuckold just simply finds satisfaction in watching their partner be pleasured. In this scenario, the cuckold is aroused by watching and knowing that their partner is taken care of. What could be sweeter?
Location can also come into play. In most cuckolding scenarios, the cuckold is in the room watching. However, there is a type of cuckolding in which the cuckold isn’t allowed in the room and is forced to listen at the door. Damn. Hope he at least gets a chair out there. In some cases, the cuckold isn’t present at all and is only privy to the fact his partner is off having sex with someone else.
Getting Started
If any of this sounds appealing, let’s talk. All sexual exploration starts with a conversation. You and your partner have to decide if the idea of cuckolding intrigues you. That, and if it would mutually benefit both your sexual experiences.
Perhaps the first marker of intrigue for consensual non-monogamy would be light flirting. If another person flirting with your partner triggers phallic flutters or a little jump on your jock, then maybe cuckolding could be for you.
A common misconception about cuckolding is that it always has to involve a third party. That isn’t always the case. In fact, it may even be best to keep it to just you and your partner at first. How is that done you ask? Well, many people don’t know that you can incorporate cuckolding into dirty talk. A great way to dip your toe into the cool waters of cuckolding is to have your partner recount a sexual experience with a previous one. If you are into the humiliation aspect of cuckolding, have your partner describe their time with another man who is “bigger” than you, or could please them in ways that you couldn’t.
If we think of cuckolding in the context of a binge-worthy streaming show, this would be the pilot. Whereas bringing in a third party would be the season one finale. Just like any show, if you like the pilot, keep watching. If you don’t enjoy this type of light cuckolding at all, then definitely don’t proceed in bringing in a third party. Try a different show, aka find another way to spice up your sex life. You can put the kibosh on it all together, or keep cuckolding between the two of you.
If you did like the light cuckolding, however, it may be time to search for the perfect guest star. Now casting for the role of “bull." Unlike your favorite series, there isn’t a casting agency filling the role of the bull for you. You and your partner will have to do that yourself. Finding the perfect bull can be a bit tricky. You and your partner will have to ask yourselves a few more questions. Oh great, more questions.
Is there someone you already have in mind for the bull? Someone you know your partner finds attractive and perhaps you envy. Would you like the bull to be someone you both know and trust, or is it best to start fresh with a newbie? Will you or your partner contact the bull? Perhaps the most important aspect to consider is what is the post-cuckolding communication like with the bull if there is any contact at all.
If you decide it best that the bull be a newbie, finding one could be a bit daunting. This isn’t Sex and the City, 90s New York where you can place an ad in the paper seeking a third. Luckily for you, we have technology now. There are several apps designed for people looking to broaden their sexual horizons. Apps like Feeld or Fetlife can be great tools in finding the perfect bull for you and your partner. On these apps, you will find like-minded individuals who are also looking to explore sexually.
Safe Words
No matter where you are in your quest for cuckolding, it is beyond important to have a safe word. Non-monogamous novices and pros alike have a safe word. What is a safe word you may ask? A safe word is like a secret code for when you want the sexual scene to stop. Think of it as a hypothetical eject button from an aircraft.
A sex word may be used when one or more parties involved are no longer feeling the fantasy. Since cuckolding tends to have an element of humiliation, it is paramount to make sure everyone, including the cuck, is turned on the entire time.
Why Try It?
There are many reasons to take a crack at cuckolding. Cuckolding can be used as a way for bi-curious men to explore their bi-curiosity. Curiosity may have killed the cat but it hasn’t killed the cuck.
For others, it may be a way to enhance intimacy and trust within their primary relationship, as it requires clear communication and consent.
Cuckolding, while rooted in historical and cultural perceptions of infidelity, has evolved into a multifaceted concept in modern sexual relationships. If you and your partner feel that cuckolding could be the answer to cranking up the heat in your sex life, remember to keep the communication open.
Never forget your safe word, and make sure to practice safe sex. Use protection and make sure you are always scheduling routine testing. Remember, no matter the 2.9 streaming services you have, no binge-worthy TV is as exciting as trying something new with the person you love!
Frequently Asked Questions
What is cuckolding?
Cuckolding is a sexual practice or fantasy in which one partner (the “cuckold”) derives arousal from their romantic partner engaging in sexual activity with another person, often referred to as the “bull” or “stag.”
At its core, cuckolding combines themes of voyeurism, submission, and erotic humiliation. However, not every scenario involves humiliation. For some, cuckolding is about compersion (pleasure from a partner’s pleasure), variety, or exploring open relationships.
Where does the word “cuckold” come from?
The term “cuckold” dates back to medieval English literature. It comes from the cuckoo bird, known for laying eggs in other birds’ nests. In early usage, a cuckold referred to a man whose wife was unfaithful. Over time, the word evolved into its modern erotic meaning, where the supposed “betrayal” is consensual and part of the fantasy.
Is cuckolding the same as cheating?
No. Cheating involves secrecy, deception, and betrayal of trust. Cuckolding is consensual, openly discussed, and agreed upon by all partners. The key distinction is consent. In cuckolding, all parties know what is happening and typically communicate boundaries clearly.
Why are some people aroused by cuckolding?
The reasons vary widely:
Erotic humiliation
Voyeurism
Compersion
Taboo excitement
Domination and submission dynamics
Some find the psychological layers as arousing as the physical elements.
Who typically plays the roles in cuckolding?
Cuckold (or cuck): Usually the submissive partner, often male, who enjoys watching or knowing about their partner’s encounters
Hotwife or Cuckquean: The partner who has sex outside the relationship. “Cuckquean” is often used when the woman is in the observer role
Bull or Stag: The third party who engages sexually with the cuckold’s partner
Is cuckolding only for men?
No. While the word “cuckold” historically refers to men, women can also enjoy cuckolding scenarios. In these cases, the dynamic may be referred to as “cuckqueaning.”
How common is cuckolding?
Studies suggest cuckolding is more common than people think. Research from the Kinsey Institute indicates a significant percentage of men and women report having cuckold fantasies, though fewer actually practice it. With the rise of online communities, cuckolding has gained visibility.
What’s the difference between cuckolding and swinging?
Swinging usually involves both partners participating in sexual activity with others. Cuckolding typically involves one partner being sexually active while the other watches, listens, or remains sexually excluded. Both fall under consensual non-monogamy, but the emotional dynamics differ.
Is cuckolding always about humiliation?
No. While many cuckold fantasies feature humiliation, others are centered on voyeurism, compersion, or variety. Each couple defines the experience on their own terms.
Is cuckolding healthy for relationships?
It can be. When practiced with clear communication, trust, and consent, cuckolding can deepen intimacy. But if one partner feels pressured or insecure, it can also create strain. Honest dialogue is essential.
How do couples start exploring cuckolding?
Have open communication about fantasies
Set clear boundaries
Start slowly with role-play or storytelling
Choose third partners (bulls or stags) carefully, with safety and discretion in mind
What are common cuckold boundaries?
Condom use and STI testing
Whether the cuckold can participate or only watch
Rules around kissing or emotional connection
Limits on communication before or after the act
Boundaries are vital for keeping the experience safe and enjoyable for everyone involved.
Are there risks with cuckolding?
Yes. Like any sexual activity, risks include:
Exposure to STIs
Emotional challenges like jealousy or insecurity
Misaligned expectations between partners
Ongoing communication helps minimize these risks.
What psychological elements make cuckolding erotic?
Cuckolding often taps into powerful psychological triggers:
Voyeuristic excitement
Feelings of taboo
Power dynamics and submission
The thrill of "losing" control
Masochistic pleasure through humiliation
Is cuckolding a fetish or a kink?
It can be either. As a kink, it's a sexual interest. As a fetish, it may be central to arousal for some people. Some explore cuckolding occasionally, while for others, it's an essential part of their sex life.
What role does masculinity play in cuckolding?
For some men, cuckolding challenges traditional masculinity by embracing submission. For others, it reinforces masculinity through the control and orchestration of the experience. Interpretations vary widely.
Is cuckolding linked to low self-esteem?
Not necessarily. Many cuckolds have healthy self-esteem and explore the dynamic intentionally. Like BDSM, it's about consensual roles rather than personal inadequacy.
What is “cuckold humiliation play”?
This involves intentional teasing or degradation of the cuckold for arousal. It can include verbal humiliation, denial, or being made to watch. It’s only healthy when all parties are fully consenting and emotionally secure.
Do all cuckolds watch in person?
No. Some prefer hearing about the experience later, receiving photos or messages, or live streaming. Others prefer in-person observation. It depends entirely on the couple's preferences.
Is porn influencing cuckolding’s popularity?
Yes. Cuckold porn is one of the fastest-growing categories online. However, real-life cuckolding is often more emotionally complex and less extreme than porn portrayals.
What is interracial cuckolding?
This subgenre of cuckolding involves a bull of a different race, often popularized in porn. While some people find it arousing, others critique it for reinforcing racial stereotypes. In real-life dynamics, mutual respect should always take priority over fetishization.
Are cuckolding fantasies normal?
Yes. Cuckolding fantasies are common and considered part of the wide range of normal human sexual imagination. As with all fantasies, what matters is how they are explored in reality.
Can cuckolding hurt a marriage?
It can, if not approached with care. If desires are misaligned, communication is lacking, or emotional needs go unmet, cuckolding can cause strain. Couples must proceed thoughtfully and with consent.
What is “hotwifing,” and how does it connect to cuckolding?
Hotwifing refers to a wife who has sexual experiences with others, usually with her husband’s consent and knowledge. It often overlaps with cuckolding, though it doesn’t always involve humiliation or submissive dynamics.
Is cuckolding legal?
Yes. As long as all participants are consenting adults and the activity remains private, cuckolding is perfectly legal. Issues only arise with non-consensual acts or public indecency.
Can cuckolding be part of BDSM?
Absolutely. Many BDSM dynamics involve cuckolding, especially when humiliation, power exchange, chastity, or denial are part of the scene. The two often go hand in hand.
What is “chastity cuckolding”?
This involves the cuckold wearing a chastity device, often locked by the hotwife or bull. The cuckold may be denied orgasm while their partner enjoys sexual pleasure with someone else.
Are there emotional risks in cuckolding?
Yes. These might include:
Feelings of rejection or comparison
Fear of abandonment
Miscommunication about expectations
Aftercare and ongoing check-ins are essential.
How do you talk to a partner about cuckolding?
Choose a relaxed time to talk
Frame it as a fantasy, not a demand
Ask your partner about their fantasies too
Be prepared for questions or hesitation
Revisit the conversation over time
Where do people meet bulls for cuckolding?
Online kink and lifestyle communities
Dating apps geared toward non-monogamy
In-person events like swingers clubs or fetish parties
Personal connections, with very clear boundaries and communication
Safety, discretion, and consent are critical.
What is “humiliation cuck porn,” and how does it differ from real life?
Humiliation cuck porn often features exaggerated degradation and extreme power imbalances. In real-life cuckolding, the experience can be intimate, playful, emotional, or completely free of humiliation.
Is cuckolding safe emotionally?
It depends on the couple. For some, cuckolding builds trust and excitement. For others, it may trigger insecurities. Emotional maturity, consent, and ongoing communication make all the difference.
What is “cuckold clean-up”?
In some cuckolding dynamics, the cuckold may be expected to perform oral sex on their partner after another man has ejaculated. This is a niche kink within the cuckolding world and, like everything else, must be consensual.
Do all cuckolds wear chastity cages?
No. Chastity play is common in some cuckolding dynamics, but many couples explore cuckolding without it. Every relationship tailors the experience to their preferences.
Is cuckolding degrading to women?
Not inherently. In many cuckolding relationships, the woman holds a central and empowered role. It depends on the couple’s dynamic and how they frame the experience.
What is the connection between cuckolding and feminism?
Some view cuckolding as empowering for women, giving them freedom to choose sexual partners openly. Others raise concerns if the kink reinforces harmful stereotypes. Like many sexual practices, context and consent matter most.
Can cuckolding strengthen intimacy?
Yes, for some couples. Exploring vulnerability, breaking routine, and sharing fantasies can deepen emotional connection. But it only works if both partners feel secure and enthusiastic.
How do online cuckolding communities work?
Communities on sites like FetLife and Reddit offer spaces for people to:
Share experiences
Ask for advice
Explore fantasies
Meet potential partners
They help normalize the kink and create a support system.
Do cuckolds always feel emasculated?
Not always. Some cuckolds feel more in control by organizing the scene or guiding the dynamic. For others, the submissive feeling is part of the arousal. Masculinity is personal and flexible.
What is the future of cuckolding?
As society becomes more open to consensual non-monogamy and kink, cuckolding is likely to gain further visibility and acceptance. More couples are exploring it with confidence, creativity, and communication.
Dr. Brian Steixner
Dr. Brian Steixner is a board-certified urologist and an expert in men’s sexual medicine. He completed his General Surgery and Urology training at The University of Pennsylvania and The Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, one of the busiest and most comprehensive programs in the nation. During his career, Brian has treated thousands of men with sexual health issues including male factor infertility.
Dr. Joshua Gonzalez
Dr. Joshua Gonzalez is a board-certified urologist who is fellowship-trained in Sexual Medicine and specializes in the management of male and female sexual dysfunctions. He completed his medical education at Columbia University and his urological residency at the Mount Sinai Medical Center. Throughout his career, Dr. Gonzalez has focused on advocating for sexual health and providing improved healthcare to the LGBTQ+ community.
Frequently Asked Questions
Dr. Gonzalez Answers
Popstar Labs cofounder Dr. Joshua Gonzalez is a board-certified urologist and Sexual Medicine expert, here to answer your questions
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